When will I ever retrieve myself from daydreaming about you and me. When will I ever be enough for myself and not me wanting to have you. When will this fantasizing come to an end? When will you ever notice that there’s someone out there dying to have you. When will I ever wake up from a disastrous show that the characters who play aren’t even majestic? When will I be okay without you in my dreams? When will I finally stop handing out the pieces inside the pocket of my care? When will this illusion end? Will it? Can it? Can I?
I don’t even want me, being a prisoner and locked in here. It is so vivid. I’m stuck. I’ve been wanting to escape but there’s no space that I can take to get out in here. It’s fragile. My emotions. Totally, messed up. Head over heels with someone who does not even know I exist. Or does he? Or maybe he knows, that I’m this stupid loser in town with lots of insecurities filling the gaps in her. I have this not-hypothesized conclusion that he, somehow, knows a pinch of my lurking soul. Maybe. In a negative shadow. Yes. Or yes.
TWO OF YOU.
I- was the past. Still, there is you, inside of me. The hypothalamus is still grabbing you. You were the first, well, I had to say that. My first ideal man. You’re near perfection. Looks. Humor. Intelligence. Abilities. You must be an unknown prodigy. Or should I say gifted? You pick. I was so obsessed. I could not even. Though, I knew it. You had someone. You loved too much. And, still in process. You had an adorable motives with one of my closest dears. I was heartbroken. We talked. Non-verbal. Once. It was so fantastic. I believed it was a magic. A magic that was blown away within a millisecond. It was a lie. A basic lie. I was heartbroken. Again. I was close enough yet you did not even noticed. I wish I was the one whose inside of you. But, I am not. End.
II- Manly. Enthusiast. You rock my world. I can truly say that. You’re the present fictional character inside my head. You do not even stop. I hate it. But I cannot do anything. I am weakened by you. Yet, somehow, in that cool story, I was special. Truly appreciated. Loved, I was perfect. It is because you perfected me. But then again, I recalled. This is just a sublime poet of my mind. Nothing more than phenomenal. Fictitious. I was a good writer. I had a very unwinding imagination. I always dream of you. Why? You caught me. It is perfect. You are the real man. I had to say that. I can tell, you know me. from afar. Again, negatively. You knew it. I had something on you. You knew it! I was so embarrassed. What can I even do? Just your typical dreamer. Nothing more. Not even close enough. You had it all. What more can I ask for? But then as the first one, you love someone. And is still going on. Enviousness choke me out of nowhere! Oh, dear, how lovely are you? I hope you know the answer to my question. Because if not, then I am going to whisper it on your perfect ears who loves music. Apologize. I’m taking it back. I could not. That is you. This is me. Our in-between is my dream. This is the bridge that connects us. That associates my love for you. In that imaginative bridge, at least you were in love with me. At least. But not.
I hope someday someone would actually dream of me like I dream of him. Someone who my heart beats for. Whom I am caught up. Addicted and attracted at the first meet up. I do not want to push myself from something that pulls me at the first place. I do not even want to force myself from unreal feeling. Somberness. I want real one. In both ways. I have been dreaming of the reality to begin. With you. When will that time come when I can finally say that my dreams turned into unexpected reality? Talking about the side of redeeming love. There’s always exceptions. I’m talking about love. Not dreams. Because I have a long term purpose on Earth. Love and dreams. I’m taking the process. And of course who would not meet circumstances? No one. We all do. We all will.
And to you, I hope you knock, if not now, soon. I’m always waiting for you. I always dream of you. I always pray for you to come along. To make me feel that I am not alone in this lonely world. To be there for me when I’m not for myself. The longing. I know it’s worth the wait. Did I see you already? Let me know. Because I’ve been dying to find you. I hope someday you read this and know that before we met, I have loved you already.
written by: Ren Abegail B. Galvan
no sources(based on emotions)
credits to: TUMBLR (Photo)