Summer Has Been Blocked by You

Tags

piece, poem, summer, summer 2013, tumblr, write

I took this photos way back summer 2012.  

Summer.

Coconuts and palm trees. Salty air, messy hair.
Crashing waves. Peaceful shore, bonfires, short shorts & flip-flops.
road trips and ice creams, mangoes & watermelons.
sunflowers and daisies. fruitshakes and starbursts.
boppy heat & crazy tanlines. Long nights, early walks.
sunshine drench, sunnies, bikinis. water fight & giggles.

These are just some of what summer really is. But now that the world is reversed, logic has been fucked up.
Earth has now a confused perception of this raging human race.
Summer has been blocked.

Thinking about summer, flowers are crawling in around your stomach. Excitement is bursting out and you try to get up and plan for enjoyment. But in reality, summer has been blocked.
You have to go prepare yourself for the never ending stress of school and all that. That is why, you try to say, “oh, darling.. summer has been blocked.”
In reality, you wake up from the heat of the sunlight that strikes from your dull window with the realization, that again, summer has been blocked.
If you don’t do this or that, your future is crampled. They say that, enjoy today, suffer later. But they don’t even know that you have been suffering all your life. Enjoyment is misplaced and replaced by anxiety and outer pressure ages ago. All your life you have been working for your future. But the truth is, now is the future you have been working on. You never enjoyed your life because you are busy preparing for something and that you forgot what that something is. You are too hard on yourself that is why you tell that summer has been blocked.

It’s never blocked. You just torture yourself and let you become a prisoner of you. Summer is not blocked.
You just block yourself from it. Try to breath and take a look at the wonders of the world. Get out of your comfort zone.
Try something new. Witness an adventure, with you in it. Stand up and go pick yourself up.
Never forget you. No one knows you better than you. So, keep your head up and enjoy summer.
Swim your fears away. Gasp for relief. Take a rest and tranquilize.

SUMMMER2013piece.
REN ABEGAIL GALVAN

I can’t snap my fingers and say, hey, it’s okay. I can’t. There’s always “oh no” moments in life. And I guess i’m not that lucky that I always experience such events. But oh well, I still am alive; trying to survive. Oh burn it. What else is new?

I am the type of a teenager who just has a not-so-exciting life and a typical one. Who always turns the “hello there” into “hell here” and who always mess things up. I’m one of those girls who are so doubtful about themselves and who always push people away just because they have the notion that those people deserve someone better. I am someone who is afraid of taking risks but wants to explore. I am weird, all the time and I smile even though the pit of me is aching. I don’t know. I’m just complicated and my body is a complex one, figuratively speaking. Most of the time, I fail and I’ve had a lot of failures. One day, I started to confront myself about those failures that made my entirety low. Tears went falling down like rain. Those tears were full of emotions and disappointments. Those tears were pure and genuine. That time, I stood back and told myself that I will try the best that I can to stop the track of my failures and start learning from them and win. There were people who stole my self trust. I was so weak that I didn’t get that trust back. Those people, however, somehow in a good way, became an influence in driving my pursuance into something.

School works and all that had never been easy, most especially to me, whose entitled as the queen of procrastination and the reckless student. But then, the first year of the battle had to end. Mine is almost at its end. I’m so excited about what’s next and at the same time scared of what it will take me. Still, There’s no such thing as giving up to this irresponsible ratchet girl. Sticks and stones or even whips and chain won’t break the faith I have on having victory. KUDOS! No one knows, maybe one day, I’d just go back in here and say “hey, i’m already a CPA.’ =))) HAHAHAHAHAH! 

GOD

Tags

God, in times of depression, Jesus, Lenten season, Prayer, problems, repentance, sad

I was brought in life by a King. I was saved by a redeeming love. I am molded by innumerable approbation. I am saved by Him. I believe that somehow, I am a princess because my father is a king. Hardships are there, but if you have Him, you’ll never fail. THIS LIFE IS A JOURNEY TO GREATNESS. EVERYONE IS RISEN FOR IT. SOME JUST PUSH THROUGH A WRONG DECISION. EVERYONE IS DESTINED FOR GREATNESS, BUT IF YOU CHOOSE TO IGNITE YOURSELF INTO DOWNFALL, YOU WON’T ATTAIN THAT GREATNESS THAT HE HAd RESTORED FOR US. I am currently in the process of something, i am currently aiming for something. i am living for a purpose. i am desiring about something. i want to live my dream and never wake up from it. i am not a superb human but it does not matter anyway, as long as i have him then i am set and ready to go. every second is the time to have a truthful gratitude to him because every second, he finds and protects us from the unwanted anxieties of the world. if you just open your heart to know him, you would have the notion of security. that no matter how many troubles you get in, you would always go back to SAFENESS. at times I tend to walk away from god and question things, but all I do is seek him, talk to him and remember that all I really need is god. no matter how many times you walk away from him, he will always find you and he will always wait for your come back. his love is immeasurable; not even the wideness of the sea can speak for it. i cannot say that i am really that religious, but i know that he is there, really. i always tend to fail him, but he’s not like that to me or to everyone because he does not. he always picks me up at times of downfall. this life would not be this good if it is not about him. no one will ever find the true essence of living if he it not offered to him. this is the time for him. restore what has been damaged and open your heart to happiness. have god in you. <3 

Happy Lenten Season to Everyone.  

-Ren Abegail B. Galvan 

These are the sleepless tiring nights

Tags

abby galvan, depressed, empty, model for hire, ren abegail galvan, sad, story, stressed, thoughts, tumblr, writter

I do not know what to tell. I have a lot of thoughts in my mind but I don’t know how to speak. There’s a lot that has been going on but what’s happening is redundant. There’s no progress. These are the sleepless tiring nights.

The thoughts are inside of you. Your brain is processing and you think of everything about your life. Friends, family, love, studies, dreams and everything in your life. You think of the future. What will it bring you? You think of the past. What it brought you. You think of today, the present. What does it bring you? You are lying on your bed. Upset. Empty. What should I do to be happy? You question it. But the real question in life is, what really makes you happy? And at this certain point of time, you are clueless and you do not know yourself anymore. You lose interest in everything. You are tired but you can’t sleep. You close your eyes and all you see is emptiness in the dark. Resting has become a struggle for you. You work so hard in order to survive. And after that, the next morning, you wake up. Wishing to go back to sleep. Because there’s nothing to look forward to for that day. But you have to do things you do not want to. Just because you have to. With no apparent reason. You have to. You meet people along your way, some are happy, some aren’t. And you belong to those who are indescribable. You meet your friends, the same way. You talk, yet you still don’t speak. You pretend. You hide. You give what is acceptable. But the truth is, you’re not fine. You cannot open up, because you think no one will understand. No one can help you so there’s no point but just a waste. No one cannot destroy you anymore. Because you have destroyed yourself already. In class, you look deep, creating events on your mind you know will never happen. It makes you happy, because you think about you being happy and at the same time, it makes you sad, knowing that it’s not reality and you truly know it won’t even happen in real life. You are disturbed. You cannot focus on everything. You are distracted. It seems like your life has its normal routine. But deep inside it,  there’s a struggle going on. It’s like, living a day is a daily struggle for you. You do not know what’s the main problem but all you know is that, something makes you sad and that you can’t be happy that’s why you’re sad. You cannot even figure out what’s your happiness. All these things, it’s scary. It really is.–

written by: Ren Abegail Galvan

inspiration from tumblr

copyright2013

Tags

abby galvan, emotions, feelings, finding the perfect guy, Him, ideal guy, Love, lovestory, magic, model for hire, modelling, ren abegail galvan, story, teenager, tumblr, waiting for love, write, writter

When will I ever retrieve myself from daydreaming about you and me. When will I ever be enough for myself and not me wanting to have you. When will this fantasizing come to an end? When will you ever notice that there’s someone out there dying to have you. When will I ever wake up from a disastrous show that the characters who play aren’t even majestic? When will I be okay without you in my dreams? When will I finally stop handing out the pieces inside the pocket of my care? When will this illusion end? Will it? Can it? Can I?

I don’t even want me, being a prisoner and locked in here. It is so vivid. I’m stuck. I’ve been wanting to escape but there’s no space that I can take to get out in here. It’s fragile. My emotions. Totally, messed up. Head over heels with someone who does not even know I exist. Or does he? Or maybe he knows, that I’m this stupid loser in town with lots of insecurities filling the gaps in her. I have this not-hypothesized conclusion  that he, somehow, knows a pinch of my lurking soul. Maybe. In a negative shadow. Yes. Or yes.

TWO OF YOU.

I- was the past. Still, there is you, inside of me. The hypothalamus is still grabbing you. You were the first, well, I had to say that. My first ideal man. You’re near perfection. Looks. Humor. Intelligence. Abilities. You must be an unknown prodigy. Or should I say gifted? You pick. I was so obsessed. I could not even. Though, I knew it. You had someone. You loved too much. And, still in process. You had an adorable motives with one of my closest dears. I was heartbroken. We talked. Non-verbal. Once. It was so fantastic. I believed it was a magic. A magic that was blown away within a millisecond. It was a lie. A basic lie. I was heartbroken. Again. I was close enough yet you did not even noticed. I wish I was the one whose inside of you. But, I am not. End.

II- Manly. Enthusiast. You rock my world. I can truly say that. You’re the present fictional character inside my head. You do not even stop. I hate it. But I cannot do anything. I am weakened by you. Yet, somehow, in that cool story, I was special. Truly appreciated. Loved, I was perfect. It is because you perfected me. But then again, I recalled. This is just a sublime poet of my mind. Nothing more than phenomenal. Fictitious. I was a good writer. I had a very unwinding imagination. I always dream of you. Why? You caught me. It is perfect. You are the real man. I had to say that. I can tell, you know me. from afar. Again, negatively. You knew it. I had something on you. You knew it! I was so embarrassed. What can I even do? Just your typical dreamer. Nothing more. Not even close enough. You had it all. What more can I ask for? But then as the first one, you love someone. And is still going on. Enviousness choke me out of nowhere! Oh, dear, how lovely are you? I hope you know the answer to my question. Because if not, then I am going to whisper it on your perfect ears who loves music. Apologize. I’m taking it back. I could not. That is you. This is me. Our in-between is my dream. This is the bridge that connects us. That associates my love for you. In that imaginative bridge, at least you were in love with me. At least. But not.

I hope someday someone would actually dream of me like I dream of him. Someone who my heart beats for. Whom I am caught up. Addicted and attracted at the first meet up. I do not want to push myself from something that pulls me at the first place. I do not even want to force myself from unreal feeling. Somberness. I want real one. In both ways. I have been dreaming of the reality to begin. With you. When will that time come when I can finally say that my dreams turned into unexpected reality? Talking about the side of redeeming love. There’s always exceptions. I’m talking about love. Not dreams. Because I have a long term purpose on Earth. Love and dreams. I’m taking the process. And of course who would not meet circumstances? No one. We all do. We all will.

And to you, I hope you knock, if not now, soon. I’m always waiting for you. I always dream of you. I always pray for you to come along. To make me feel that I am not alone in this lonely world. To be there for me when I’m not for myself. The longing. I know it’s worth the wait. Did I see you already? Let me know. Because I’ve been dying to find you. I hope someday you read this and know that before we met, I have loved you already.

written by: Ren Abegail B. Galvan

no sources(based on emotions)

copyright2013.

credits to: TUMBLR (Photo)

you can let yourself be happier.

Tags

abby galvan, depressed, ren abegail galvan, sad, teenager life, what God wants you to know

Today, Abby, we believe God wants you to know that …

Happiness is a choice, although often it might seem otherwise. And it starts small. Today do something that makes you feel happy, and tell your friends about it.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a total wreck. I felt like I was in the gutter of the Earth. There wasn’t something deep. It just keeps on going like nothing. There’s no deep part to have a happiness from within. I wasn’t happy. Not really sad but more of an empty dust that’s been threatening me to death and chirps me off. I didn’t have any motivations neither inspiration. I was nowhere. And still, that is how I feel. I always try, and maybe I am too hard for myself. What’s more to it. I don’t know what makes me happy anymore.

 

Hoping, that day would come, I’d have someone to be with me. Who’d make me feel that I am not alone in this entire race. Who’d be my accompany throughout everything. Who would never leave though it is that difficult to be with me. It’s a struggle of having daydreams yet it keeps me think that someday, i’ll be happy soon.